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Some confusion

Some confusion - Caroline Smith

As much as I would like to understand him better and cover all the angles before taking an informed decision, I’m afraid that learning too many things about his wife would not be a good thing. Maybe this friendship we are having is going on an unknown territory where I might be walking on mined fields.

I know myself; throughout time I learnt how to read the signs. Although it takes me longer to discover I have fallen for another man, I recognize the pattern. Too many nights out spent on talking about a third person, too many drinks and confessions. Maybe it’s about time to really consider putting an end to this before it goes elsewhere.

I won’t be having my heart broken in pieces again for someone who’s in love with another woman. I deserve to have someone loving me for being me, not for being the shoulder to cry on or a rebounce. I want to be “the one” in someone’s life as well. Someone that would reciprocate my feelings and make me feel loved.

Yesterday evening we met to start talking about his conditioning classes Mississauga. Obviously that in less than fifteen minutes we were discussing about his miserable love life. While he was talking to me, I felt like I wanted to shoot myself in the foot.

Why did I open that door? Was that really necessary? Is he ever going to stop? If things get better for him, is that going to affect our friendship? If yes, how? What would change? Maybe he would not be able to hang out with me so much?! That would be a bummer. I got used to having him around. Yes and that might be the problem. Maybe it was not such a great idea after all to hang out with him.

I feel like I am all over the place. I feel something is off but I can’t put my finger on it. Maybe I am over emotional these days. I have been getting less sleep and usual and I had to deal with a lot of changes at work and in my personal life. I had a lot in my plate! Plus, cherry on top of the cake, he always calls me when he wants to talk about her!

I am started to get annoyed of this role. I think I need a few days off to clear my mind and see exactly what do I want. Where do I stand and where does he fit in this script. Or does he fit at all? For the moment I’m all confused!

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